Why so Serious?

I don't know where to begin or how to put into words what I'm feeling right now. It's one of those days when I feel like no matter I did, what I've done, for others and for the better, it's never enough, and it makes me feel useless. I don't know if I'm just pushing myself too much, or am I actually not pushing myself at all. I feel like I need to punish myself for something that I don't deserve. It's frustrating. I'm sorry to rant this out to guys but writing my feelings down like this makes me feel a little less stressed out knowing that even though I'm not personally speaking to anyone, I hope that somebody somewhere out there understands what I'm going through by reading this and tell me that I'm not alone and going insane.

I'm kind of a restless person you see, and I always feel the need to constantly move around. The past few days of feeling under the weather at work had me thinking whether there's something more for me here or if I'm better off somewhere else. What's it like to migrate to a new place and start over? How does it feel to live in a place where you don't know anyone? It's going to be a challenge for sure but wouldn't that be an adventure? I've always had these questions in my head but I guess I'd been too caught up in building my life here that I forget there's a whole world out there. What if I'm not destined to be here forever but somewhere else? I guess it's about time I start looking for answers to all these questions. But how do I begin, right? The first steps are always the hardest part.

I wish adulthood wasn't so alluring to us when we were younger. I always thought that you turn 18, done with school, and have a job, you can pretty much do anything. And we all wanted to grow up so fast to get to that phase. Now that I'm there, all I want to is crawl back to my school days when all I had to worry about was how to cheat for that Chinese exam because that's a lot easier that having to worry about what's next for me now. To anyone still in school, take this from me, cherish and make the most out of it!

Sigh.

On a less serious note, still on the normcore bandwagon, here's an outfit from last week. I had a little fun doing some self portraits down my apartment, taking advantage of the warm weather and the sun. I haven't taken my own photos in a while and I have to say it was a bit of a struggle getting back to it. But no biggie, it was fun all the same.

It's funny because when I went down to set up my tripod and camera, there was another girl right across where I was who also had a camera and tripod set up in front of her while she was prancing around in a glittering, shining, two-piece bikini. I think she's a dancer and from the way it looked, she was recording her moves, possibly making a demo video. I smiled knowing that I'm not the only crazy person down there. The things that we do for what we love, eh.

Anwyay, what do you think of the outcome?

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[Top : Lash][Jeans : Vintage, Macau Vintage Market][Cap : Ivy Park][Shoes : Adidas]